it's Ampersands and...

Conveying much more than words alone

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It’s been a while, but you always bring me back…

I haven’t commented on the death of Robin Williams yet, here or anywhere, because I’m honestly still processing this death. It’s never easy to articulate why some losses hit harder than others, especially when the person is someone you never met. This time, I wonder if the dozens of articles and reaction pieces are more detrimental than beneficial. That this, above all else, is the curse of celebrity: The constant “outside looking in” doesn’t stop with death. That perhaps, everyone’s opinion about the loss is—not overshadowing, but over-clouding the loss itself. So why offer up a reaction? Wouldn’t that just be another layer of the same?

And yes, it’s also because the topic of suicide hits me a very personal place. I’m not sure I can articulate what I feel without that door opening, and I’m not sure how that will turn out. Whether that’s lingering shame that lifelong mental illness has instilled in me or not, I don’t know, but it’s holding me silent for now. Instead of my words, I direct the world to this very well-written piece with the hope that it encourages people to talk openly and freely about mental illness and clinical depression.

I think I’ll have something to say soon…

Filed under me pondering robin williams

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The Surgical Life: Post-surgery observations

It’s been almost a full month since my surgery, and I think I’ll start sharing some of the observations I’ve been collecting. This one has been happening pretty consistently since I started being able to move around the house:

Me: Man I feel squishy today. This inconsistent exercise thing is rough…
Scale: You weight four pounds less than your average! Boo!
Me: Huh???

….a few days later…

Me: I’ve been able to do pilates for a few days in a row and I feel great!
Scale: You weigh two pounds more than your average! Yay!
Me: Wha??!?!

I know, I know, muscle gain/loss, water retention, etc. But still, you have to admit how weird it is when you feel one way and that stupid device known as the scale shows you the opposite of what you expect. Gotta love reality!

Filed under health The Surgical Life musings

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Foot Surgery Update #6

Things I have a new appreciation for:
- Balancing postures from yoga. There’s no other way I could be this comfortable pivoting without support on one bare foot as frequently as I am.
- How bad of a habit fidgeting can be. My toes keep saying “Wiggle me!” I am convinced those are messages from the Devil.
- That my mom and sister went through something similar, but potentially even worse.
- 5:00 AM can be really beautiful, if you can just lie still in the fading dark and appreciate it. I’m not sure I’d see it the same if I had to scramble to get somewhere right now.
- if given the choice between Original Flavor and anything else, even Wild Cherry that you think will be nasty, for fuck’s sake go with anything else! They created other flavor a because Original tastes like burnt shrimp shells! Even chemicalicious Wild Cherry can’t be that bad!

Filed under me interesting news health

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Foot Surgery Update #5: Nurse Ladyface still hasn’t left my side much since I got home from surgery. This afternoon, Amazon delivered a few days of light reading.

The Man delivers a delicious snack of homemade yogurt, pineapple, blueberries, and honey O’s cereal. And finally, Mummyfoot gets another full submergence in ice water.

Filed under me health food

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Foot Surgery Update #2: Mummyfoot can only be iced in a tub of ice water. There’s just too much padding in the dressing for other ice packs to penetrate. And the only ice bath solution we could come up with is probably the least classy solution on the planet. But it’s kind of working, so…

Also featured: Nurse Ladyface, who hasn’t left my bedside since I got home.

Filed under me interesting news health better living through chemistry

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Dinner tonight: Roasted potatoes and white radishes, topped with wilted radish greens and a warm spring garlic and strawberry dressing.
Too hungry to care about plating. This was so delicious!! And with the exception of the strawberries and potatoes, this was brought to you by a shared CSA. Om nom!

Dinner tonight: Roasted potatoes and white radishes, topped with wilted radish greens and a warm spring garlic and strawberry dressing.

Too hungry to care about plating. This was so delicious!! And with the exception of the strawberries and potatoes, this was brought to you by a shared CSA. Om nom!

Filed under dinner tonight accidentally vegan dairyfree foodporn