It’s been almost a full month since my surgery, and I think I’ll start sharing some of the observations I’ve been collecting. This one has been happening pretty consistently since I started being able to move around the house:
Me: Man I feel squishy today. This inconsistent exercise thing is rough…
Scale: You weight four pounds less than your average! Boo!
….a few days later…
Me: I’ve been able to do pilates for a few days in a row and I feel great!
Scale: You weigh two pounds more than your average! Yay!
I know, I know, muscle gain/loss, water retention, etc. But still, you have to admit how weird it is when you feel one way and that stupid device known as the scale shows you the opposite of what you expect. Gotta love reality!
If the old fat cat Hedges had been a person, she would’ve played Keno at “her bar,” bought scratchies, eaten bacon with butter every day, and drank Wild Turkey & boxed wine.
"Oh come on, that’s not fair. I’m hungry and I have to pee!"
i think it’s a universal truth that everyone in our generation takes pluto’s losing its planetary status as a personal offense
pluto is smaller than russia. why did we ever even consider it a planet?
BECAUSE IT’S A PART OF OUR SOLAR SYSTEM
OHANA MEANS FAMILY
FAMILY MEANS NO ONE IS LEFT BEHIND
Things I have a new appreciation for:
- Balancing postures from yoga. There’s no other way I could be this comfortable pivoting without support on one bare foot as frequently as I am.
- How bad of a habit fidgeting can be. My toes keep saying “Wiggle me!” I am convinced those are messages from the Devil.
- That my mom and sister went through something similar, but potentially even worse.
- 5:00 AM can be really beautiful, if you can just lie still in the fading dark and appreciate it. I’m not sure I’d see it the same if I had to scramble to get somewhere right now.
- if given the choice between Original Flavor and anything else, even Wild Cherry that you think will be nasty, for fuck’s sake go with anything else! They created other flavor a because Original tastes like burnt shrimp shells! Even chemicalicious Wild Cherry can’t be that bad!
Foot Surgery Update #5: Nurse Ladyface still hasn’t left my side much since I got home from surgery. This afternoon, Amazon delivered a few days of light reading.
The Man delivers a delicious snack of homemade yogurt, pineapple, blueberries, and honey O’s cereal. And finally, Mummyfoot gets another full submergence in ice water.
Foot Surgery Update #4: Sometimes my family is awesome.
Really struggling at the moment but waiting for the Dr.’s office to call back to confirm a different pain Rx. Cannot stand the creepy-crawly itchy side effect, plus I think being at a 3 on the pain scale is not close enough to 0.
Final thought: It’s weird to be in substantial pain while simultaneously struggling not to pass out from pain meds.
Foot Surgery Update #2: Mummyfoot can only be iced in a tub of ice water. There’s just too much padding in the dressing for other ice packs to penetrate. And the only ice bath solution we could come up with is probably the least classy solution on the planet. But it’s kind of working, so…
Also featured: Nurse Ladyface, who hasn’t left my bedside since I got home.
I can get in and out of the bathroom by myself. I am excited, in a monotone Oxycodone kind of way.
Dinner tonight: Roasted potatoes and white radishes, topped with wilted radish greens and a warm spring garlic and strawberry dressing.
Too hungry to care about plating. This was so delicious!! And with the exception of the strawberries and potatoes, this was brought to you by a shared CSA. Om nom!
M&M cookie the size of my fist, beer & paper football. Happy Friday!
Reason #577 why The Man is awesome.